(And yes, we DO need to have more meltdowns!)
By Jenny Aiello
Seriously, I am masterful at creating distractions when it’s time to actually dive into the feelings I have about the drama in my life. And by the way, if you don’t know me very well yet, I have had some serious drama in my life. And while it’s not funny or light-hearted at all, I’ve learned to keep it all in perspective. Sometimes, what I have to feel is raw and sometimes the fear gets so intense I actually believe I might not live to tell anyone about it. I’ve been gripped with pain that ran so deep into my soul that I thought I might not get back to the Light. I’ve been paralyzed with fear so much so I wasn’t able to make a simple decision about what I wanted to wear or how to sort a pile of laundry. Feelings can be debilitating and handicap us if we bottle them up inside. These toxic feelings of shame, guilt, regret, hatred, anger and heartache all live in our bodies and create an uneasiness that doesn’t make a compatible roommate for our spirit. So releasing them is healthy.
My clients know that when I hear them cry, I celebrate. I’m not happy that they are sad, but the more they feel those sad feelings, the stronger they become! And as a transformational coach, that makes me happy!
So back to setting up for a good old-fashioned meltdown…
The thing is, for some people, the pit of emptiness and darkness can run deep. Some people can get stuck in it if it’s thick and dense (from very old toxic beliefs and stored up low energy). So I recommend that if you’ve had trouble in the past pulling out of your emotions, consult with a therapist or counselor that you really connect to and let them help you work through the big stuff. Dare to be vulnerable with them and let them help guide you through some it. It takes time, but the more you face your feelings and fears, the stronger you become.
And… if you are having some normal feelings that say, “I’m burning the candle at both ends, taking care of everyone else but myself, feeling life pass me by and I don’t even think I’m living my own life anymore,” and you just want to shut out the world for day and have a good cry … then do it!
A couple of weeks ago, I needed to just stop and have a full-blown meltdown. I confess. Here’s how it all went down: I had a very nice weekend planned, and on Friday night, I was triggered. It happened instantly. I saw a photograph of me that set off every screaming alarm I have. It triggered every negative self-image voice I had inside of me! I wanted to hide and I stayed on the verge of tears all evening. The next morning, I packed up for a day of activities and began to have one accident after another which kept me from getting out the door. I spilled my coffee down my white shirt, my car was blocked in the driveway, and on my way back into the house, I slid across the kitchen floor and landed in a pose that no one has probably ever seen before, not even in a yoga studio. My hip hurt. My knee was bruised. My toe was turned sideways inside my flip-flop. And that was it. I pulled myself up off the floor and cancelled my plans for the day and allowed myself one entire weekend to indulge the sadness and fear that had shown up the night before. And you know what? It passed. I healed a part of me that desperately needed more compassion than judgment and I learned there’s more to work through. But I’m okay!
And since you might ask, I’ll go ahead and tell you what I did, and what I recommend for some serious Self-Care To Release Pinned Up Pain and Heartache:
- Surround Yourself With Comfort. I put on my most comfortable clothing and wrapped myself in a comfortable blanket.
- Find a Sacred Space to Simply Be. I went to my bedroom and closed the door! I needed to cocoon myself and curl up on my bed and play soft, melancholy music… the kind that would let me cry if I wanted to.
- Be still. Once I got quiet, I immediately noticed that those feelings of sadness that were just under the surface showed up again and I let the tears flow.
- Write in a journal. I wrote about how I was feeling after my experience and I explored some deep conversations with my heart. That brought up more tears.
- Rest. Take a nap! Did you know that the energy it takes to hold in your feelings is the same as holding a beach ball underneath 10 feet of water? It’s hard and it takes enormous energy! So after you journal and process for a bit, its important to just rest.
- Drink a cup of hot tea. Chamomile is especially calming, but you can also drink a cup of detox tea and it will help you flush out the culprits!
- Inform those who live with you that you are in control of your meltdown! I told my husband that I was going through something weird and that I may be edgy or withdrawn and quiet and that I would greatly appreciate it if he would just let me be that way, and love me anyway. Hint: our families need to know from us that we are going to be okay so they can just relax and let us look like we’re not okay, but not freak out!
- Encourage yourself to cry. So, I don’t have any trouble indulging a cleansing session with my heart (aka, crying sessions) but some need help prying open those sad feelings. If you’re stuck, watch a really sad movie that you know will make you cry. It helps you get your sadness out if you get stuck. Your body doesn’t care how it happens, the sadness just needs to leave your body.
- Take long, hot, Himalayan Sea Salt bath (Email me and I’ll let you know where I get my very favorite sea salts)! Sea salt actually neutralizes your body and removes any toxins you are releasing. It has amazing healing properties. Pink Himalayan Sea Salt is said to stimulate circulation, relax the body, lower blood pressure, sooth the skin and any sore muscles you might have!
- Be gentle with your soul. Do not expose yourself to hostile people or environments. Once you open up your heart and soul and feel vulnerable, you are also open for imprinting that you don’t want to expose yourself to. This isn’t a time to allow negative thoughts, people, or environments into your day! Stay in your sacred environment and honor this process!
- Touch your feet to the earth. If you can, lay down in a nice grassy area of your yard and watch the sky. Often, as feelings of sadness or deep pain arise, our spirit wants to move away from our physical body (hence the expression: She’s beside herself). Staying grounded keeps all the parts of you connected. I love touching my bare feet to the earth everyday – but most especially when allowing myself to release sadness.
- Honor your Truth. I have discovered with my own journey through my sadness, and it holds true with my clients, that a lot of our sadness is from not living our truth. So often, we compromise ourselves because we haven’t been telling others and ourselves the truth about what we want and need. That is seriously heartbreaking. Honor your truth by sifting through the sea of emotions that are protecting you. Have the courage to look inward and find your voice, then listen to what it has to say.
I honestly believe that if we could set up a day like this once/month or more, we would see nothing short of transformation in our day-to-day lives. HEAL THYSELF = HEALTHY SELF! Purge your body of toxic feelings of anger, resentment, fear, shame, guilt… they are costing you way more than you realize. But when you purge those emotions, please remember to do so responsibly.
Hail to the box of tissues and a good ol’ fashioned, proper meltdown!
Love and Blessings,